Before you continue reading this article I want you to stop and without thinking about it too much, make a list of the 5 people you consider yourself to be closest to right now.
The 5 people you spend the most time with. The 5 people most “involved” with your life.
Don’t evaluate or ponder the list….
Just grab a sheet of paper and write a list of the first 5 people that come to mind when you think about who you are closest to right now.
It does not matter who they are.
He or she could be a spouse or significant other, a relative, a friend, a current or former co-worker or business associate…
A friend from church or a recreational activity of some sort.
Heck, it could be your grocer or the guy running the filling station down the road…
Whoever comes to mind, just quickly jot down a list of the first 5 names.
Got it?
OK, set it aside for the time being and continue reading.
You’ll see why I want you to do this first in a minute.
I was reflecting the other day on all the relationships I’ve had through-out the years.
The most memorable experiences…the events…the places…the circumstances..and of course the people…. were all playing like a movie in my mind.
I’ll spare the details for a future lessons, but I noticed something important and empowering that I want to share with you in this lesson today.
Just like you, I’ve had good times and bad.
I’ve enjoyed the reward and elation of extraordinary successes…
and
I’ve suffered the disappointment and misery of gut-wrenching failure.
Obviously there were a great many factors at work in each situation.
But there is one vitally important element I want to point out for you here and now…
The people I surrounded myself at any given time throughout my life have had everything to do with the level of
success I’ve experienced.
Now, before you get the wrong idea, I am NOT abdicating responsibility for the outcome to those around me…
Clearly I am completely responsible for all the decisions I’ve made and actions I’ve taken.
Including the people I chose to have around me.
And that’s what I want to share with you today.
Simply put….
As I reflect on my own personal experiences, it’s no small coincidence that during times of great success, I’d surrounded myself with successful people….
People who were uplifting, positive and encouraging….
People who always helped me see the opportunity within a struggle or trial…
People who were successful in their own right, whether in business or not….
People who I could model after, and who were always willing to prop me up when I wavered.
In stark contrast, when looking back I can see that during times of my most abject and abysmal failures….
When every challenge was overwhelming…
When it seemed that anything and everything that could go wrong…did.
When possibilities seemed scarce and opportunities diminished…
When my days were full of uncertainty, fear and mind-numbing anxiety…
During these times I can see that I’d surrounded myself with unsuccessful people…
People who amplified and echoed my most discouraging trials…
People who discouraged and rejected possibility…
Who sang a constant chorus of naysaying and failure…
People who invented an endless list of reasons why they and by implication I would not succeed….
People who were stuck within their own struggle and who, well intended or not, were unequipped to provide the support and encouragement necessary to generate success even for themselves, let alone me.
Here is the lesson for you in this:
The quantity and quality of your success will be measured as the average of the successes of the 5 people closest to you.
Your financial success will be the average of the financial success of the 5 people closest to you….
Your success in business or employment will be the average of that of the 5 people closest to you…
Your success in recreation, health & fitness, relationships and community will all be that of the 5 people closest
to you…
If the 5 people closest to you are as or more successful than you are in any or all of these areas then you can count on growing your success in each area accordingly.
If on the other hand the 5 people closest to you are less successful than you in any or all of these, then you can expect your success experience to contract to meet the average of theirs.
This is what I mean by the expression: “Beware the Five”
So, look at the list you made when you first started reading.
Consider where each of these people are relative to you within the 7 key areas of success.
- Finance and Money
- Business or Employment
- Recreation and Fun
- Health and Fitness
- Relationships
- Community
Be honest with yourself.
Are they more successful or less successful than you in each of these.
In general terms, do they uplift and encourage you?
or do they restrain and dampen your enthusiasm?
I know it can be difficult to accept…
But the truth is that the people around you either contribute to or detract from your accomplishment and success.
There is no neutral.
So what do you see in the list you’ve made?
Are these people you can model after and achieve more of what you want?
Are these people who awaken and inspire greatness in you?
What do you see when you read your list? Honestly….
And perhaps more importantly….
What are you going to do about it?
Now before you jump to any conclusions I am not telling you that you have to dump your friends or divorce your
spouse if he or she is not more successful than you are.
That is not the point.
But, if your list contains people who are not more successful than you are then you DO need to consider ways you can invest more of yourself with people who are more successful than you and in so doing uplift the likelihood of your own success.
Here are two powerful ways to proceed.
First, find people are more successful than you are and start networking with them.
Befriend them….
Everyone needs something…
Find ways you might be able to contribute to their efforts and offer your support freely…
Keep raising the bar on these relationships. Keep networking, finding and engaging with people who are at least as successful as you aspire to be.
Genuinely and authentically invest yourself in these relationships…not selfishly or with an agenda.
But selflessly and with a sincere desire to improve your capacity to contribute to the success of others.
As you do, you’ll draw everyone around you up to the next level…
You’ll literally be generating success for all and in that very process, you’ll be guaranteeing your own astonishing success.
In the beginning keep an eye on the amount of time and energy you invest in these relationships. You’ll find a direct correlation to the growth of your success.
Next, if one or more of the people on your list is not more successful than you and is NOT taking the hint and riding your success train as it were, then you going to have to address it with him or her directly.
Here is what I suggest…
Arrange to have a quiet one on one discussion at a place and a time when you can both be 100% engaged and present.
In as sincere and loving a manner as possible tell him or her how much you care about him or her and how much you value your friendship or companionship…
Explain what you’ve learned in this lesson….
And then kindly and respectfully let him or her know how their behavior effects you and curtails your success.
Assure him or her that you want to continue with the relationship and that it is important that he or she be “on-board”
with your success plan.
And here is the important part…
Explain specifically how he or she can help you and support you…
Then, when your done, ask him or her if he or she would be willing to do that for you.
Assuming your relationship / friendship is genuine to begin with, you will be amazed and astonished at the response you get.
Regardless of what’s gone before, you will literally transform the people around you…
As you cultivate success relationships with both your new and old associates…
As you all grow to appreciate the importance of this fundamental truth…
You will experience success in a way you’ve never experienced and probably never knew you could.
If you follow this simple bit of coaching you’ll not only guarantee your success, but you’ll be contributing and growing the success of others each and every day.
I would like to hear from you about this.
If this exercise has revealed something to you, let me know by commenting below.
If it has helped you break-out of stymied and success constrained relationships and habits, then let me know by commenting below.
As you apply the simple techniques I’ve given you in this lesson, let me know how they work for you.
I anticipate hearing the extraordinary.
I’m standing for all that’s possible for you in life and business.
Sincerely,
Steve
P.S. Are ready to be coached by the best?
No matter where you are in the process, ThePerfectBizBuilder Coaching Program will make the difference for you.
.
Your site is fantastic. I have read a lot of this , but time and all , I let myself slip. I thank you for reminding me of my training in the past. This is the best site I have seen so far. Thomas Savage
In relation to those around me. Being “retired” I look for those who need my help. Some of these are at the depths of the economic bucket. Struggling to keep heads above water in trying times. Sadly they are almost always in trying times. Some have taken my assistance and “run with the ball” so to speak. and now are able to progress on their own. Others inspire me to keep on keeping on, and remember my spiritual roots. I willhave that personal discussion with Rich and decide how we can help each other be more successful. As regards my “church work”, we deal with the Poor as they are most receptive. Then we encourage them to lift up others. I will say most of them inspire me. As they have very little, yet share and encourage others.
Steve,Well said! That was a helpful exercise. I noticed that I easily listed four people to whom I feel closest. The fifth appeared as a whole group of people – business colleagues, clients, friends, social associates, training leaders. These people all blended together in my mind as those in an outer circle. Yes, it’s clear that in the last few years as I’ve become more conscious of the principle you described that the more fearless and courageous I am the more positive, inspiring, and high energy people I attract. Thanks for being one of them!
Beware The “5″In relation to those around me,there are more than the 5there are some people that don’t like any succesful person’ for many reasons.thanke you for your useful advices
Steve, this really came as one of those ” I get it” lightbulb moments. Really a simple but profound principle. You can be proactive, move up and have so many go up with you or be passive and move down along with many.
Steve, well said! On thinking about this, it really struck a cord as I thought about all the people I come in contact with and who I really consider as friends…there was a point where the light bulb went on — why it seems to make the change to be successful is hard — isolation kills dreams — and why I look to the e-mails you, TUT, and several others send to keep me working to get things together. I travel and stay in places for months at a time so people flow around me for a short time, some longer, and very few for years.
Steve, I agree with what you say. My only problem is I live with negative people 24/7. Even when I leave home for a while I still have to come back here to my negative nieces and sister.
This topic is a fact. We need all the encouragement we can recieve from other successful people. Staying focus and knowning what you what will keep you going toward your goals. Keep in mind that our purpose is to help others who will accept it. Thanks so much for the coaching and reminding us of who we surround ourselves with can either strengthen or tear us down if we allow it.
Thanks Steve; This makes so much sense! In my experiences I found
the types of people I surround myself with has had a powerful impact! (The negative ones pulled me down)…In choosing to associate with empowering – positive people
I’ve had so many wonderful things materialize.
I never have had any success at mlm marketing so none of our 5 kids want to have any thing to do with what I am doing. no one bothers me I just keep on trying all by my self. I always think what my dad said we could work down to the crew of one. I have always worked very well alone. I think I have been successful all through life I just haven’t made a lot of money. People think we have money I said its been fun bluffing the public. Oliver Amesbury PS I think we could cover a lot of ground a lot faster by phone
March 7th., 2010.-
Dear Steve,
Thank you so much for the enlightening lesson. It is so true that as we vibrate in higher frequencies we attract powerful and beautiful things and results to our lives. Meeting and interacting with successful people is a key element to boost our energy towards the achievement of that success…Thank you..!!
thank you for the wake up call that put me back on the the trail of reconnection its going to be a great year for me in every area I thank God for you Steve
Hi Steve,
Its good to be made aware of what you have talked about here. Problem is with me I do tend to come across negative ( for many good reasons ) I do try to surround myself around people who look at things in a different light to myself. I find though these people I need to be around , find that I am not good for them. So I am having to be around the people more so like myself ( which I know does me no justice ) Any suggestion ?
Thanks
Hi Maree,
The first suggestion I’d offer is that you acknowledge yourself for recognizing this about yourself and the way your attitude or perspective effects those around you. It can be very confronting to face up to this kind of responsibility.
While a useful assessment is outside the scope of a blog comment, I’d remind you that you are the source of every experience you have in life. Negativity is always sourced by a set of subconscious beliefs you’ve created from decisions you’ve made about experiences in your past.
You choose from moment to moment to believe what you believe about your circumstances and you choose who you are “being” as a result. Your experience is not determined by circumstance but rather by the decision you make and the actions you take.
You succeed or fail, you’re happy or sad, you’re positive or negative etc…by choice not by the force or limitations of external circumstance. I realize it may APPEAR otherwise to you….but that is a matter of perspective not a matter of fact.
The key is recognizing that the beliefs which source these choices are SUBconscious choices…not conscious ones. That’s the reason you don’t see them for what they are.
For instance, the ‘good reasons’ (for negativity) you mention (whatever they are) are really only a convenient way for you to ‘be right’ about whatever choices you are making in the moment (to be negative in this case). They are not ‘truths’…
Within ThePerfectBizFinder Program I teach you techniques for eliminating these subconscious saboteurs. This empowers you to see the infinite variety of possibilities that exist for you and frees you to go after them.
I think you should own it: The Perfect Biz Finder Program
I hope this helps.
I’m standing for all that’s possible for you in life and business.
Sincerely,
Steve
Sicnere
Hi Steve!
Yes, totally true. You are the average of your environment….. However, you can either drop the envrionment or you can lift it up by shining brightly yourself. I guess the latter takes more effort but will be more rewarding. It all comes back down to choice…. (vanilla or chocolate :O)…. Thanks for reminding me!!!! Cheers. Jutta
Lesson one was great Steve, thanks for the reminder.
this is awesome!!!!!!!
Hi there well that was very interesting Steve, I have one person that keeps in touch girlfriend for a cuppa and my Husband now no one else now never realised that by staying home lost all my friends they moved on I got stuck.Its so amazing you know Only ever wanted to increase the wealth love happiness I felt in all I do With others I see plenty of work and think of a shop I could open right now, wouldnt that be great .